she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
