the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
