I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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