I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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