girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
