the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
