No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Are my feet made of real feet?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize