just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
