Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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