Fuck appropriateness.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
