Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That was an excessively violent trivia night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
