guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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