Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
