I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I AM VODKA MAN
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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