If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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