Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
