Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize