Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
