I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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