Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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