are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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