Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
