When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
