Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
