the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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