Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
