he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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