i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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