return my video game
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
