Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
