Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
