I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
