i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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