My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
