He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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