I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
