no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I love having hate sex.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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