i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Boobs are out for the taking
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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