I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ugly people sure do ruin things
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
