No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize