Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
