i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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