so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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