i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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