was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize