Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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