I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
