Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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