just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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