the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
