I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
