at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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