im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
