Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
