When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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