hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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