i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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