check it out our google latitudes are spooning
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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