I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
