I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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