I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
we're so committed to being not committed
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
