Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
