Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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