Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
