y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
