i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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