He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
