sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
