Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
