i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
