Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
