He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
