A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
