ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
