I wish I could punch you in the face.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
