Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
