Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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