I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
