Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
