plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
