Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
