I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
