He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Let's paint friendship bongs
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
