i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
