You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
