I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize