Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
