It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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