you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
