I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
