I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it hurts more in the daytime
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
