Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
