Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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