Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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