I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
