my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
