Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
