ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize