If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
