So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
