I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
