then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize