were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
