i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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