I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
