I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
