dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
